“Sources” have leaked the real reason Dany Heatley wants to “get out of dodge”. Leaving Ottawa is a priority because since Cory Clouston started pushing his buttons Heatley’s phlegm production is drastically down.

Heatley’s beloved signature move “the hork” has been the focus of much of Dany Heatley’s TV time. Clearly TV producers everywhere have determined that Dany Heatley fans the world over are tuning in to see his fabulous fluid forte in action and have no interest in Mr. Heatley’s scoring prowess.

It seems clear now that Dany Heatley’s advisors, including his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl, have isolated this special talent as a marketing boon and refuse let a reduction in ice time or more importantly TV time cut into the potential expected resulting windfall.

The bottom line is that less ice time and less coasting both result in lower phlegm production levels and Mr. Clouston’s recipe of hard work and balanced ice time is no longer a good fit for Dany Heatley.

Stay tuned for breaking news on a previously unreported clause in the Heatley contract that would allow the Heatley camp to enforce use of the words “High Priest of Hockey” in all team communications should a coach look directly into Dany Heatley’s eyes whilst addressing him.

Inconceivable but true. Hey Dany Heatley, you’re a BUM.

You have to check this audio out. It’s a hillarious advertisement for shopping dany Heatley around. It was created by Steve Warne of the Team 1200 morning show, Three Guys On The Radio.

LISTEN HERE

This really does a great job of showing how rediculous this situation really is.

Hilarious! Enjoy.

In hopes of getting an update that Dany Heatley has finally come to his senses I have just completed my 1345th refresh of Darren Dreger’s ‘Twitter page. Nada. Bupkis. Can you believe this guy? Can you believe the NHL is allowing this to happen? I am literally incensed. I don’t get incensed. Dany Heatley has brought out the worst in me this week.

If you have been living under a rock let me sum up for you in a few really simple points.

1. Dany Heatley made a commitment to the Ottawa Senators.
2. Dany Heatley made a promise to the Ottawa Senators fans.
3. Dany Heatley, a man of no honour betrayed his teammates, his fans, the  National Hockey League and the franchise that committed to him.
4. Dany Heatley has two morons for agents.
5. Dany Heatley is a coward who runs away with his tail between his legs when the going gets tough. i.e. being asked to elevate your game, work hard and be accountable.
6. Dany Heatley thinks he is bigger than the game.
7. Dany Heatley has no class.
8. Dany Heatley is doing everything by the book. Dany Heatley is following the letter of the law as it pertains to his contract. That might be true but it is a bunch of BS too.
9. Dany Heatley shouldn’t get the right to ask for a trade and still wave his no trade clause in the face of Bryan Murray and drag his soon to be former team down as far as humanly possible on the way to his short list of teams.
10. Dany Heatley said “no” to the only reasonable trade that would have seen him out of Ottawa just because he can and because he is special and because he should be able to choose where he wants to play even when he has a contract with a team already.
11. Dany Heatley is whacked.
12. Dany Heatley is no role model.
13. Dany Heatley should stop hiding behind his bumbling agents in his Kelowna summer home and be a man.
14. Dany Heatley is a BUM!
15. Dany Heatley reminds me of this snot nosed whiny kid.

The NHL needs to step in and solve this problem once and for all. NHL GM’s need to agree that they will not be held hostage by one if its players and come up with a plan to put this possibility out of reach for the future. They should buyout his contract as a league, divide the costs amongst all teams and banish Dany Heatley from the NHL.

A local Ottawa sports radio station Team 1200 had an e-mailer today who had the great idea. His idea was to gather up all of the Dany Heatley jerseys that kids have bought to support him over the years and have a great big jersey burning party. The suggestion was to then have corporate Ottawa sponsor new jersey’s for anyone who participated in the burn. A One for One trade, the honourable way of course for an Ottawa Senator’s jersey with a name on it more fitting than Dany Heatley. I love it!

The bottom line is Dany Heatley is a BUM.

That felt good.